【Dear Utol (2025): Itch Follows Episode 23】

Life is Dear Utol (2025): Itch Follows Episode 23full of grand mysteries. For instance, how did Jeff Bezos' dick pics end up in the hands of the National Enquirer? Sometimes, life is kind enough to provide an answer.

Or so it would seem today, with the Guardianreporting that the Amazon CEO's phone was likely hacked by the crown prince of Saudi Arabia, Mohammed bin Salman. Yes, that's right, the sexting scandal that birthed the term "complexifier" and the phrase "I love you, alive girl" allegedly all began as a state-sponsored hacking campaign.

For those who managed to prevent the entire ordeal from taking up any of their limited brain space, the National Enquirer'ssupposed attempt to extort Bezos backfired massively when the CEO wrote a Feb. 7, 2019 Medium post airing it all. That "all" in question included a vast number of text messages between Bezos and his then mistress, as well as a "below the belt selfie — otherwise colloquially known as a "d*ck pick."

According to today's Guardianreport, Bezos and MBS were messaging back and forth on Facebook-owned WhatsApp in 2018 when the former received a video file from the latter's WhatsApp account. It is "highly probable," the Guardian quotes investigators as determining, that the video contained malicious software. A short time after Bezos received the file, data began to leave Bezos' phone.

At some point, data from Bezos' phone made its way to the National Enquirer,where the company's lawyers allegedly attempted to use it to blackmail the CEO into directing the Washington Post, which Bezos owns, into ceasing its coverage of the relationship between National Enquirerparent company American Media Inc. and Saudi Arabia.

Follow that? Whatever the intention, it clearly didn't work out in AMI's favor.

We reached out to Amazon in an attempt to determine what, if any, response it has to the news that its CEO may have been targeted by MBS directly. We received no immediate response.

SEE ALSO: PopSockets CEO calls out Amazon's 'bullying with a smile' tactics

It's worth noting, however, that Bezos isn't the only high-priority hacking target that reportedly messaged frequently with MBS. According to the New York Times, Jared Kushner had a longstanding message exchange with MBS — "who is known to favor the online messaging service WhatsApp."

So, yeah. Get ready for those Kushner dick pics.

(Editor: {typename type="name"/})